Being Liked vs Being Respected

Mar 27

2 min read

Leadership isn't about being liked; it's about making the right decisions—sometimes the hard ones. It is great to be liked, but much more important to be respected. Respected leaders will almost certainly create better outcomes for their teams, their organisations and, as a result, themselves. I therefore wholeheartedly agree with the recent Harvard Business Review article, 'When Being Too Nice Makes You a Weak Leader'. It is great to read an article from an academic journal that accepts a real-world fact: as leaders, our job isn't to keep everyone happy. It’s to drive results even though sometimes this will make our team uncomfortable.

It would be great if you could keep everyone happy all the time, but if you're really leading, you just can't. As leaders, we’re paid to make tough choices, from addressing underperformance early to making difficult choices that are aligned with your vision. The best leaders I've worked have been firm but fair. I knew their heart was in the right place as they inspired me to do more.

But making tough decisions does not mean you should be making them in isolation. The best leaders don’t default to “my way or the highway”. They deliberately use their team to inform and strengthen their decisions. They invite dissent. They understand that collective intelligence improves judgement.

Too many commentators, particularly academics, romanticise empathy without acknowledging accountability. In my next few posts I'll expand on this basic theme, starting with addressing the important distinction between consultation and consensus.

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